Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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