We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
