I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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