I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
