Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
