lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
