had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
