I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
