I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
