So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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