My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
