I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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