The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
