Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
