I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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