Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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