I love black thongs
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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