Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
