So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
