If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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