I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
