do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
