he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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