it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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