the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
