so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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