Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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