yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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