i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
