so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
