that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
