And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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