You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
