Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
