the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
