You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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