I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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