Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
