Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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