dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
