I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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