you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
