I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
