My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
