We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
