Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
