Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
