I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
