I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize