i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
