Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
