i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
