i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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