i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize