not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize