wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
