Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
