UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
