It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
