mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
