i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
