I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
