Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
