Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
