So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
