Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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