Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
