is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
